How do you deal with the emotions that come with being a Quran alone worshipper?

[Ishaq]

I left the title purposefully vague as I am open to everyone's input and opinion.

I have been following this route for a while. My wife is on her journey and I am open to her taking on that process in her own time, questioning what she knew before and what she learned.

Recently, she has decided she does not want to wear her head scarf. It has bugged her for years and she was very much brought up in a strong and strict Sunni environment. When she came to me with the question, my response had always been, and will always be, (with regards to anything to do with religion), do your research. Read the Quran and then make a decision based on what you learn and I will support you.

Now, to her, this is a big step, but obviously her family are pretty much telling her things like:

1. "This is your test"
2. "Your parents are going to be punished on the day of judgement for you not wearing it"
3. "I wear it as I want my grave to be expanded and there to be light inside it"

and more.

What really elicits strong emotions in me, and rather angers me, is these foolish people making things up about religion and taking none of it from the Quran but using verses like the above to coerce and control people.

I seem to see it more and more lately. The whole "The Prophet said ...."

And it is really rattling me up to the point I feel uneasy leaving my house and being around such people, even family.

How do you all handle the emotions from being around, for want of a better word, absolute morons?

Oh, and it seems no matter what anyone around me does it will always be a matter of ME changing them or coercing them to change, like my wife. I am now seen as a weak husband or character because I am not forcing her to wear it. This does not bother me as much, I know my religion better than them. But it does hurt.

 

[nedimtabakovic1977@icloud]

As far as I can understand there is no worshiping as some form of shaping something abstract as far as I know, there is connection, patience, struggle, serving, obeying, humility, gratitude towards God…but worshiping is more like doctrine outside of the boundaries set with Qur’an. Take any worshiping act, and someone who took proper wisdom from the Qur’an should be able to tackle it.

 

[Ishaq]

As far as I can understand there is no worshiping as some form of shaping something abstract as far as I know, there is connection, patience, struggle, serving, obeying, humility, gratitude towards God…but worshiping is more like doctrine outside of the boundaries set with Qur’an. Take any worshiping act, and someone who took proper wisdom from the Qur’an should be able to tackle it.

Agreed, thank you for your input.

 

[Onthepath]

I fully understand the conundrum. I am not born Muslim. I could not even say I was Christian as our family was rather sporadic in worship. I came from the Lutheran sect of Christianity. I remember my parents sending me to the Lutheran church for religious instruction but my father pulled me out of it after I came home one day with a paper with a list of questions regarding scripture he was furious when he said “ why would you the (teachers) ask questions of my child when she doesn’t know anything of the scriptures”? Of course I realize today that my parents having no knowledge of scripture accept the 10 commandments as they were written in the bible, trusted those who they assumed knew everything. Hence I never continued in any religious learning. But I have spent time looking at Jewish religious scripture and listening to rabbis. To my amazement I discovered that the same thread runs through all religions, when you trust what the priests, rabbis and imams say and blindly follow and try to apply their laws you come up short and ended up following a very dark path. My repentance in this life is of utmost importance to me. I sense that God has truly heard and seen my prayers as so much has changed in my life and that is why I am here. To learn and follow the right path.

 

[Onthepath]

My struggles are different because I didn’t grow up Muslim.
My journey towards Islam started almost twelve months ago. I was initially attracted by the Sufis. I have read a little on Ibn Arabi and Al Ghazali. It resonated with me because how they spoke was very much in line with Christian Mysticism, a part of my faith that grounded me during difficult times.
The Hadith literature bothered me from day one. Finding Quran alone has freed me from that. But scholars I thought were helping me I now realise preach the same Sunni message as most. Ritual prayer, kaba etc.
I have five translations of the Quran and they all say the same in different ways. I bought the big book of Bukhari I feel like I have wasted so much time trying to make sense of it all.
Where do I fit? I don’t fit in with Christians any more. I don’t fit in with the majority of Muslims. Am I doomed to spend the rest of my life as an outsider on the fringe of religion?
I feel for you and your wife. I can only imagine how difficult it must be going against religious traditions when your family are upset.

O

I fully understand the conundrum. I am not born Muslim. I could not even say I was Christian as our family was rather sporadic in worship. I came from the Lutheran sect of Christianity. I remember my parents sending me to the Lutheran church for religious instruction but my father pulled me out of it after I came home one day with a paper with a list of questions regarding scripture he was furious when he said “ why would you the (teachers) ask questions of my child when she doesn’t know anything of the scriptures”? Of course I realize today that my parents having no knowledge of scripture accept the 10 commandments as they were written in the bible, trusted those who they assumed knew everything. Hence I never continued in any religious learning. But I have spent time looking at Jewish religious scripture and listening to rabbis. To my amazement I discovered that the same thread runs through all religions, when you trust what the priests, rabbis and imams say and blindly follow and try to apply their laws you come up short and ended up following a very dark path. My repentance in this life is of utmost importance to me. I sense that God has truly heard and seen my prayers as so much has changed in my life and that is why I am here. To learn and follow the right path.

i must correct what I said about dark path. My search for a connection to God lead me to listen to those that disregarded Gods revelation and it caused doubts. That led to feelings of shame and regret. Peace to all of my brothers and sisters in this journey.

 

[Onthepath]

O

i must correct what I said about dark path. My search for a connection to God lead me to listen to those that disregarded Gods revelation and it caused doubts. That led to feelings of shame and regret. Peace to all of my brothers and sisters in this journey.

2:37 Then received Adam words from his Lord, and He turned towards Him; He is Accepting of Repentance, the Merciful.

 

[Ali.Rahmani]

Peace Ishaq,
most of the time people are not recognized as Quran-alone before they claim certain things which contradict the mainstream Islam. In my opinion we have to be moderate with our warning (although the warning itself is only for the benefit of the listener). By warning I mean the discussion we have with our reletives and strangers. Everything we say is to warn them about the judgment day.

As for a woman who wears hijab and decides not to wear it anymore, it brings definitely questions for the family members and mostly their reaction is emotional rather than rational.
You didn't ask for this aspect of my opinion but I would like to tell you my quranic and worldy worldview about the subject of women's Hijab.
I think as a believing man it is very good to let your wife decide about her life specially her appearance in the public But you have aslo the responsibility to guide her to a safe and modest path. Because you are a man and you know the male portion of our society and you are aware of their desires and how they see the females.
Your wife is not capable of doing that because she has not that desire which men have toward a woman.
So who is a best consultant for her about the subject of hijab? A trustworthy believing man among her family, who is aware of the current situation in our society.
It doesn't matter where you live. Whether in a so-called liberal atheist country like Canada or in a so-called islamic middle eastern country. All men are the same.
You know that men are not only attracted to the sexual parts of a woman but they are attracted to the other parts as well.
And some men (whose population is not low) are also attracted to the body of child girls.
Lots of so-called muslim parents make their daughters present in public in revealing clothes, like shorts or short skirts or sleevless shirts, ... . They are so naive that they think that the way they see and feel their children is the same way a male stranger sees and feels their children.
As for a woman:
Her ankle
Her hair
Her arm
Her shape of legs
Her shape of body
Are attractive and provocative if revealed.
I see everyday mothers and fathers who dress their daughters with revealing piece of cloth and are blind to the fact how they affect the feeling of male mature men who have diseases in their hearts or who are young and have not found the means to get married.
I know that covering the hair is not mentioned in the Quran but as God says:
31:27 And had all that is in the earth of trees been but pens, and the sea replenished thereafter with seven seas, the words of God would not be exhausted; God is exalted in might and wise.
We don't need everything written in Quran to know how to dress or how to behave or to get the Jab or not... Quran gives a worldview upon which we build our lives. Men are consultants and protectors of their families. As a man you know exactly how men think and what their desires are.
Consult your wife with the best you can do based on the worldview Quran gives you and the sinful and corrupt situation we have nowadays in our world. Some of our deeds may not harm ourselves directy in this world like the way we dress but it may have a negative effect on other people. We are responsible for those effects and we have to answer on the day of judgment. So a mother who affect a man in the society with the dress of her daughter or a woman affecting a young mature man negatively with her beautiful hair and ears or legs will be questioned for what she did.
It is one of our duties as men to give our female love ones the right dresscode guidance.
I hope I could convey my message to you.
May God protect you and your family and every chaste and modest believing woman in the world.
Peace

 

[GodGuides4:175]

I think this is such an important topic and deeply impacts all of us and worthy to consider and think deeply about.

I think love and submission to God leaves no part of our heart and life untouched...it can be as mundane and fleeting as the weather...even "bad weather" has a way of showing our sinful self to our pious self so we may grow and purify ourselves and deepen our love and submission to God.

Being rightly guided by God is far more than acquiring the right facts...I think for every step we are guided in knowledge of truth comes with it the sight of seeing how misguided others are and because of this there is a tremendous need for us to increase in our humility, love, and patience...

I would venture to say it is often a journey of the heart more than a journey of the head.

And the reality is often the head outpaces the heart in the journey...

 

[GodGuides4:175]

And on practical level...

I find gratitude is essential for our emotional and spiritual health. And something crucial I have found is to refuse to just be vague in my gratitude. I strive to get very specific and also voice it.

For example as Im using water I stop and thank Him for the water He has given to me and mediate upon the ease and mercies He lavishes upon me...my food, clothing, transportation, beauty in creation...its endless in what we can thank God for...your sense of touch, smell, ability to digest food, eyelashes,...ability to cloth yourself and walk...

"If you tried to count Allah’s blessings, you would never be able to number them: man is truly unjust and ungrateful." 14:34

I think Quran shows over and over that gratitude is foundational in our relationship with Allah and it is essential for being able to rightly love others and endure the weight of sorrows and hardships in this life and there is tremendous opportunities for us in hardships...I think often for us it is more of a heart/character issue not a circumstance issue...

I see gratitude as foundational and it is daily striving for all of us because the reality is that Iblis/Shaytan's goal is to make us ungrateful to God.

"Then I will come to them from before them and from behind them and on their right and on their left, and You will not find most of them grateful [to You]." 7:17

And we are going to be fought at every direction/area of your life (front back left right) to be ungrateful...and there is no neutral ground. Either you are engaged in being grateful or not.

I also find daily prayer times are especially helpful.

Whenever I find my mind occupied with negativity or distracting things I sit/kneel quietly thinking about who/what is causing me to be negative and I delay my normal prayers and devotional reading until my heart softens...I usually plead with God to soften me, quiet my thoughts, humble me, and help me to better love them etc...sometimes my heart is so hard towards others that my motivation is feeling the loss of nearness to God and the fear of this...

Truly, how can one deeply connect with God when the heart is occupied in negativity or worldly distractions or divided in affections?

I don't think you truly can. You might be able to do your daily established prayers as your duty but it will be amiss and not really a time of connection to God...our horizontal relationships matter and our heart attitude will have tremendous impact on our relationship with Allah especially in prayer.

I reckon this is part of why prayer rituals are favored among so many people...it is far easier to do a ritual than to do the heartwork. Anyone can do a ritual in any frame of mind and heart...but a true worshiper and lover of God will do the heartwork needed to be in daily nearness with Him.

Many men pray but only some men pray when they pray...

He knows our hearts and He knows our every thought...nothing is hidden...the heart and attitudes are of utmost importance.

 

[Uncovered Faith]

Peace Ishaq,
most of the time people are not recognized as Quran-alone before they claim certain things which contradict the mainstream Islam. In my opinion we have to be moderate with our warning (although the warning itself is only for the benefit of the listener). By warning I mean the discussion we have with our reletives and strangers. Everything we say is to warn them about the judgment day.

As for a woman who wears hijab and decides not to wear it anymore, it brings definitely questions for the family members and mostly their reaction is emotional rather than rational.
You didn't ask for this aspect of my opinion but I would like to tell you my quranic and worldy worldview about the subject of women's Hijab.
I think as a believing man it is very good to let your wife decide about her life specially her appearance in the public But you have aslo the responsibility to guide her to a safe and modest path. Because you are a man and you know the male portion of our society and you are aware of their desires and how they see the females.
Your wife is not capable of doing that because she has not that desire which men have toward a woman.
So who is a best consultant for her about the subject of hijab? A trustworthy believing man among her family, who is aware of the current situation in our society.
It doesn't matter where you live. Whether in a so-called liberal atheist country like Canada or in a so-called islamic middle eastern country. All men are the same.
You know that men are not only attracted to the sexual parts of a woman but they are attracted to the other parts as well.
And some men (whose population is not low) are also attracted to the body of child girls.
Lots of so-called muslim parents make their daughters present in public in revealing clothes, like shorts or short skirts or sleevless shirts, ... . They are so naive that they think that the way they see and feel their children is the same way a male stranger sees and feels their children.
As for a woman:
Her ankle
Her hair
Her arm
Her shape of legs
Her shape of body
Are attractive and provocative if revealed.
I see everyday mothers and fathers who dress their daughters with revealing piece of cloth and are blind to the fact how they affect the feeling of male mature men who have diseases in their hearts or who are young and have not found the means to get married.
I know that covering the hair is not mentioned in the Quran but as God says:
31:27 And had all that is in the earth of trees been but pens, and the sea replenished thereafter with seven seas, the words of God would not be exhausted; God is exalted in might and wise.
We don't need everything written in Quran to know how to dress or how to behave or to get the Jab or not... Quran gives a worldview upon which we build our lives. Men are consultants and protectors of their families. As a man you know exactly how men think and what their desires are.
Consult your wife with the best you can do based on the worldview Quran gives you and the sinful and corrupt situation we have nowadays in our world. Some of our deeds may not harm ourselves directy in this world like the way we dress but it may have a negative effect on other people. We are responsible for those effects and we have to answer on the day of judgment. So a mother who affect a man in the society with the dress of her daughter or a woman affecting a young mature man negatively with her beautiful hair and ears or legs will be questioned for what she did.
It is one of our duties as men to give our female love ones the right dresscode guidance.
I hope I could convey my message to you.
May God protect you and your family and every chaste and modest believing woman in the world.
Peace

Are you suggesting women should be fully covered from head to toe to protect men from becoming sexually aroused? Even young girls?
I find this concerning.

 

[Ali.Rahmani]

Are you suggesting women should be fully covered from head to toe to protect men from becoming sexually aroused? Even young girls?
I find this concerninit is

It is not to protect men. It is to take the responsibility of their (women) actions in the society because it has a negative effect on opposite sex and it is better for the security of the women's themselves.
If a woman, by getting consultation from her truthworthy believing man, choose to cover her body including hair, ankle, wrist, neck, ears, ... , she is doing it for herself and for her hearafter and for pleasing her lord and not for other people.
I gave that consultation to my female family memebrs (wife,sister) and they agreed with it. The society has 0 value for them. They just want to please their lord and save themselves in the judgment day. That's a serious issue.
At the end you are going to face your lord with your deeds.

 

[Ali.Rahmani]

I personally find the Kameez and Shalwar which is worn in Pakistan, afghanistan, Iran one good example of a modest dresscode for men and women.
Below are two pictures of Kate Middleton in that dress.

 

[Ali.Rahmani]

 

[GodGuides4:175]

For the sake of adding a different perspective (not to argue) I think one must be careful to examine if we are implying our own custom preference as God's laws...I do not think Quran clearly places this upon women?

To give background...

I personally have practiced head covering for years due to my Jewish background and Christian influence from believing the Pauline Epistles. The Bible is actually very degrading of women. Paul was a misogynist. According to His epistles in the Bible women are suppose to cover heads because they are NOT made in God's image (they are made in man/Adam's image) and she is inferior to man and she is the cause of the fall of mankind...its a shame and dominance reason for covering not so much modesty...Which I used to believe and submit to...so I don't think Im quick to dismiss headcoverings simply on feminism ideals...

However I think one needs to consider customs to their particular country. What is considered immodest? Here in America it is very liberal. It is my understanding men's thresholds are higher out of exposure. I think that can also be argued by study of porn addictions that there is a level of desensitization that happens with exposure. Though in bringing up this point I am not arguing that culture is the final authority on what defines modesty. Just trying to illustrate modesty does have a culture context.

And secondly going with your premise that you are concerned for the wellbeing of the women... in a country that is islamaphobic it is dangerous for a women to wear Islamic clothing/Arabic dress customs. And it just brings more attention to her. That makes her stand out so everyone is staring at her. Not to mention how this makes a woman feel.

That is like swallowing the camel to strain out the gnat to want a woman to wear Arabic/Islamic clothing to avoid the risk of men's sexual thoughts but in doing that expose her to more attention and persecution and hostility and physical harm.

I think one can consider how God has granted us freedom in customs by not giving specific details and He grants us freedom to seek best good for others and ourselves...for example in the Quran God grants abrogation of His laws when its for greater good and well being...example the exceptions for eating pork, Tayammum/wudu, etc when its about the life and necessity of person's wellbeing. God intends our religion to be easy not a bondage and hardship.

Religion seems to have a way of valuing the rules and institution more than the people and flip things upside down that the very rules that were suppose to be for the good of others are used to harm others...

 

[nedimtabakovic1977@icloud]

It is not to protect men. It is to take the responsibility of their (women) actions in the society because it has a negative effect on opposite sex and it is better for the security of the women's themselves.
If a woman, by getting consultation from her truthworthy believing man, choose to cover her body including hair, ankle, wrist, neck, ears, ... , she is doing it for herself and for her hearafter and for pleasing her lord and not for other people.
I gave that consultation to my female family memebrs (wife,sister) and they agreed with it. The society has 0 value for them. They just want to please their lord and save themselves in the judgment day. That's a serious issue.
At the end you are going to face your lord with your deeds.

Nowhere in the Book did I found this advice from God, but if they want to please you that is it. If one is to please God one should take direct advice from God and implement it.

 

[GodGuides4:175]

Nowhere in the Book did I found this advice from God, but if they want to please you that is it. If one is to please God one should take direct advice from God and implement it.

Wow! I think you summed up the heart of the matter in two sentences!

This is something I have struggled with for most of my life. So that is very helpful to have such a clear concise understanding on the heart of the matter. And I can see now how often it an issue of conflating pleasing man with obeying God.

Thank you and peace to you.

 

[Uncovered Faith]

I personally find the Kameez and Shalwar which is worn in Pakistan, afghanistan, Iran one good example of a modest dresscode for men and women.
Below are two pictures of Kate Middleton in that dress.View attachment 21View attachment 20

Kate Middleton is always modestly dressed, regardless of what country she visits. As an act of respect she usually dresses in the style of the country she is visiting or at least acknowledges that country in some way in her dress.
I am Australian and that style of dress would make me an outcast in my community. I live in a hot climate beside the ocean and dress according to those conditions.
Modesty is between a woman and God. I would never take advice on how I dress from a relative! Obviously I care what my husband thinks and would never dress in a way that was not pleasing to him.
Modesty goes beyond dress.

 

[GodGuides4:175]

Kate Middleton is always modestly dressed, regardless of what country she visits. As an act of respect she usually dresses in the style of the country she is visiting or at least acknowledges that country in some way in her dress.
I am Australian and that style of dress would make me an outcast in my community. I live in a hot climate beside the ocean and dress according to those conditions.
Modesty is between a woman and God. I would never take advice on how I dress from a relative! Obviously I care what my husband thinks and would never dress in a way that was not pleasing to him.
Modesty goes beyond dress.

Yes sister I think you just illustrated very well that custom aspect that I was trying to express. That is excellent point the very pictures of Kate Middleton has a component of respect for customs and cultural modesty.

And exactly there is a practical aspect to our clothing that is related to climate....Arabic dress had a component of this too.

It is disheartening how often religion becomes the focus on the outward instead of inward...for example the greatest disagreements often over external modesty not character or piety and tremendous focus on prayer rituals instead of heartwork in prayer...and those external things (what clothes you wear, growing beards, and how you move in prayer) become elevated as salvation matters.

 

[adnan]

The topic is excellent and we can all identify with it.

At the beginning of the process I had an extreme cognitive dissonance and it was a period when the brain was fighting with the heart or better to say intellect with emotion. My heart wanted to go with what we found our elders on - tradition, traditional practices and beliefs but it was not possible.

At that time I was naive and believed that I could change the people around me as it is so simple, but I quickly realized that things are not simple as that and that people cannot separate religion from tradition because they think that they will lose their identity.

This means that it is not an easy path that we choose, it is easier to be part of the majority. If we take the Prophet Muhammad as an example, we understand that he also went through the similar stages.

In surah 18:6, Allah says to him: “Should you grieve yourself to death if they are not willing to believe in this Message?”

Now, after this first phase I understand things differently, I analyze people and approach them in a wiser way.

I will quote Hassan Farhan al Maliki here who says:

“As for the subject of reviving hearts that are diseased,
you need to understand something first;

Presenting real evidence isn't enough to make people accept the truth.

Most people simply don't follow evidence and proofs.

Most people just follow the commonly held beliefs, ie. mainstream public opinions, or the most influential external forces of authority.

These "authorities of influence" could be a sect, country, region, group, faction, religious movement, or group of friends. Or a mixture of some or all of them.

Those are the things that truly influence most people, not the evidence.

If evidence and signs were enough, then the Israelites wouldn't have worshiped the calf after they had seen the Nine Signs, the splitting of the sea, Moses's staff, and his hand blazing white, etc.

They saw all of that, but it wasn't enough because the hearts must be alive first. There must be a working conscience for signs to act on.

If a person's heart and conscience have been corrupted in some way, then no amount of evidence will help him.”

I think this sums up a lot of questions.
Also need to say that I think ‘jihad’ as presented in the Quran is our constant struggle between intellect and emotion. It doesn’t have to be, but that's my conclusion for now.


peace

 

[Uncovered Faith]

The topic is excellent and we can all identify with it.

At the beginning of the process I had an extreme cognitive dissonance and it was a period when the brain was fighting with the heart or better to say intellect with emotion. My heart wanted to go with what we found our elders on - tradition, traditional practices and beliefs but it was not possible.

At that time I was naive and believed that I could change the people around me as it is so simple, but I quickly realized that things are not simple as that and that people cannot separate religion from tradition because they think that they will lose their identity.

This means that it is not an easy path that we choose, it is easier to be part of the majority. If we take the Prophet Muhammad as an example, we understand that he also went through the similar stages.

In surah 18:6, Allah says to him: “Should you grieve yourself to death if they are not willing to believe in this Message?”

Now, after this first phase I understand things differently, I analyze people and approach them in a wiser way.

I will quote Hassan Farhan al Maliki here who says:

“As for the subject of reviving hearts that are diseased,
you need to understand something first;

Presenting real evidence isn't enough to make people accept the truth.

Most people simply don't follow evidence and proofs.

Most people just follow the commonly held beliefs, ie. mainstream public opinions, or the most influential external forces of authority.

These "authorities of influence" could be a sect, country, region, group, faction, religious movement, or group of friends. Or a mixture of some or all of them.

Those are the things that truly influence most people, not the evidence.

If evidence and signs were enough, then the Israelites wouldn't have worshiped the calf after they had seen the Nine Signs, the splitting of the sea, Moses's staff, and his hand blazing white, etc.

They saw all of that, but it wasn't enough because the hearts must be alive first. There must be a working conscience for signs to act on.

If a person's heart and conscience have been corrupted in some way, then no amount of evidence will help him.”

I think this sums up a lot of questions.
Also need to say that I think ‘jihad’ as presented in the Quran is our constant struggle between intellect and emotion. It doesn’t have to be, but that's my conclusion for now.


peace

I love what you wrote