Gabriel Casas
New member
Peace
My name is Gabriel, and i came to the Qur'an alone, and to be in a state of surrender to God after no more than a year and a half ago.
My journey will keep going i'm sure, since im 23 for now, and God willing i get more life to reform and do good.
But to "summarize" it:
From my early ages i considered myself as a "good kid" as so did the teachers at my school, save some deviances, i was tranquil and in a way a bit lone, since i didn't really enjoy the company of others if their activities weren't of my liking, and in general, their attitudes never attracted me much.
My morality back then was pretty much the fitrah, do good and what my parents, who are not religious but relatively good people, taught me.
(Save some autistic wrongdoings i did without knowing they were bad, since i was a kid after all xD)
When i grew up, perhaps under the influence of videogames and media like Disney movies which glorify sihir, i did start drawing about some dark themes, mostly it was joking, i did some caricatures about teachers, colleagues of mine etc... they had a dark tone drawn with ballpoint bic pens either in blue or black ink, basically i was not too serious...
Studies were fine, i usually passed stuff at 5 or 6, good enough to pass without needing the study much, i liked maths also, altough never fully developed it.
And at some point, i did do some "shirk" in a way, a "joke religion" about a fictional character which was very popular as a kind of "divine dark being", basically a joke of the internet.
Of course i now am a bit worried about that, altough back then i didn't pay it much importance, now i remember the verses:
They are only names you have named, you and your fathers, for which God sent down no authority. They follow only assumption, and what their souls desire; but there has come to them guidance from their Lord.
(53:23)
Basically, that was the fake "god" i had made up based on this fictional character, which i used to draw.
I mention this since i believe this may have been my downhill arc, in which i started losing my fitrah.
From then on, i enrolled in what in my country (Spain) comes after high school, which are 2 optional years where you specialize more, although still being general, in my case i chose arts and then developed more my art style, still with the fake thing being drawn, in my time of ignorance.
Then i joined 4 more years, 2 formations which were related to arts, 3D and videogames since i was interested in that a lot (today i would see it only as a tool, more than something i enjoy doing per se)
It was not going bad, i do waver a bit in what i want to do in life Dunya wise, although i pray God helps me center into something of value.
Then I joined a private University and the first year was relatively cool, i developed my 3D skills a lot, but something made my performance decrease, yes, it was a change in paradigm.
Until then, i had been seeking a moral philosophy, i was not happy with the "normie" worldview.
I knew there was more to it, i did believe, besides the joke "deity" in the true God, even if in an aethereal way, as a concept, a higher power.
I had been trying different lifestyles also, like meditation, Wim Hof Method breathing (I'm starting again, after all there is nothing wrong with it and it's healthy), waking up at 5:30 am to train in the calisthenic park, doing fasting, not drinking coffee, etc etc.
Regarding the moral path, i initially was a conservative, i had my phase of "patriotism" in a way, for Spain, but also rediscovering my roots as in Catalonia, Basque Country and the language of it, Irish (although i didn't even get close to learning anything, too chaotic for me) and Italian also, those being my main roots i can track...
Speaking of languages, i also did try a lot of them, although none too seriously given the lack of ways to practice them.
After the conservative phase, i became more liberal, not in the USA sense but in the European sense, classical liberalism, then libertarianism, anarchocapitalism, basically, i was in search of a moral system which i could safely say "it's fair and just", i didn't think taxes were legit, i though they are stealing by force (they kinda are although i'm not so mad about it as a basic concept since God allows Monarchy so i'm fine with it)
But eventually, i realized (or thought i did) that those "moral" concepts were spooks, manmade, imaginary, so i became an egoist.
You can't imagine how dark it got, i thank God i didn't get to do much of what i had been whispered by the devils, i then thought was my own mind, to do...
I started degenerating morally FAST.
But, as some say, from the darkest moments one finds light (idk if anyone says that tbh, i just made it up)
And hold fast to the rope of God all together, and be not divided. And remember the favour of God upon you: when you were enemies, He united your hearts so that by His favour you became brethren; and you were upon the edge of a pit of fire, and He rescued you from it. Thus does God make plain to you His proofs, that you might be guided.
(3:103)
I truly was at the edge of a pit of fire, and in darkness.
Ironically enough, i found Islam by trying to move to Dubai to evade taxes, my goals being purely materialistic.
Part 1-
My name is Gabriel, and i came to the Qur'an alone, and to be in a state of surrender to God after no more than a year and a half ago.
My journey will keep going i'm sure, since im 23 for now, and God willing i get more life to reform and do good.
But to "summarize" it:
From my early ages i considered myself as a "good kid" as so did the teachers at my school, save some deviances, i was tranquil and in a way a bit lone, since i didn't really enjoy the company of others if their activities weren't of my liking, and in general, their attitudes never attracted me much.
My morality back then was pretty much the fitrah, do good and what my parents, who are not religious but relatively good people, taught me.
(Save some autistic wrongdoings i did without knowing they were bad, since i was a kid after all xD)
When i grew up, perhaps under the influence of videogames and media like Disney movies which glorify sihir, i did start drawing about some dark themes, mostly it was joking, i did some caricatures about teachers, colleagues of mine etc... they had a dark tone drawn with ballpoint bic pens either in blue or black ink, basically i was not too serious...
Studies were fine, i usually passed stuff at 5 or 6, good enough to pass without needing the study much, i liked maths also, altough never fully developed it.
And at some point, i did do some "shirk" in a way, a "joke religion" about a fictional character which was very popular as a kind of "divine dark being", basically a joke of the internet.
Of course i now am a bit worried about that, altough back then i didn't pay it much importance, now i remember the verses:
They are only names you have named, you and your fathers, for which God sent down no authority. They follow only assumption, and what their souls desire; but there has come to them guidance from their Lord.
(53:23)
Basically, that was the fake "god" i had made up based on this fictional character, which i used to draw.
I mention this since i believe this may have been my downhill arc, in which i started losing my fitrah.
From then on, i enrolled in what in my country (Spain) comes after high school, which are 2 optional years where you specialize more, although still being general, in my case i chose arts and then developed more my art style, still with the fake thing being drawn, in my time of ignorance.
Then i joined 4 more years, 2 formations which were related to arts, 3D and videogames since i was interested in that a lot (today i would see it only as a tool, more than something i enjoy doing per se)
It was not going bad, i do waver a bit in what i want to do in life Dunya wise, although i pray God helps me center into something of value.
Then I joined a private University and the first year was relatively cool, i developed my 3D skills a lot, but something made my performance decrease, yes, it was a change in paradigm.
Until then, i had been seeking a moral philosophy, i was not happy with the "normie" worldview.
I knew there was more to it, i did believe, besides the joke "deity" in the true God, even if in an aethereal way, as a concept, a higher power.
I had been trying different lifestyles also, like meditation, Wim Hof Method breathing (I'm starting again, after all there is nothing wrong with it and it's healthy), waking up at 5:30 am to train in the calisthenic park, doing fasting, not drinking coffee, etc etc.
Regarding the moral path, i initially was a conservative, i had my phase of "patriotism" in a way, for Spain, but also rediscovering my roots as in Catalonia, Basque Country and the language of it, Irish (although i didn't even get close to learning anything, too chaotic for me) and Italian also, those being my main roots i can track...
Speaking of languages, i also did try a lot of them, although none too seriously given the lack of ways to practice them.
After the conservative phase, i became more liberal, not in the USA sense but in the European sense, classical liberalism, then libertarianism, anarchocapitalism, basically, i was in search of a moral system which i could safely say "it's fair and just", i didn't think taxes were legit, i though they are stealing by force (they kinda are although i'm not so mad about it as a basic concept since God allows Monarchy so i'm fine with it)
But eventually, i realized (or thought i did) that those "moral" concepts were spooks, manmade, imaginary, so i became an egoist.
You can't imagine how dark it got, i thank God i didn't get to do much of what i had been whispered by the devils, i then thought was my own mind, to do...
I started degenerating morally FAST.
But, as some say, from the darkest moments one finds light (idk if anyone says that tbh, i just made it up)
And hold fast to the rope of God all together, and be not divided. And remember the favour of God upon you: when you were enemies, He united your hearts so that by His favour you became brethren; and you were upon the edge of a pit of fire, and He rescued you from it. Thus does God make plain to you His proofs, that you might be guided.
(3:103)
I truly was at the edge of a pit of fire, and in darkness.
Ironically enough, i found Islam by trying to move to Dubai to evade taxes, my goals being purely materialistic.
Part 1-
